I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I have tasted many bathrooms
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
