"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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