you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
