Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
