that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
