Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
