now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
