wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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