Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
