She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i now understand why vodka
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize