Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i've created a new STD.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
