I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
