You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
