best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
