so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
