Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
