My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes