He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.