mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast