Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?