you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
