I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
