If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
