Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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