Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins