He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.