Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
