the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
