dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
