Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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