Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
