i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize