His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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