God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
