Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You have to summon your inner elephant
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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