He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
