Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
