I'm jealous of your bromance
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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