this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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