If i come over, it means nothing
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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