Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
