he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.