My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point