Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.

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  (734): Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work. http://tfl.nu/ms2h
  Replies (12) Good night (527) Bad night (2081)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head

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  (303): if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head http://tfl.nu/px1l
  Replies (10) Good night (551) Bad night (2625)
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  (315): View more from New York

  words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover

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  (315): words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover http://tfl.nu/6ccc
  Replies (46) Good night (5348) Bad night (661)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.

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  (218): Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion. http://tfl.nu/1y37
  Replies (23) Good night (5164) Bad night (980)
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  (845): View more from New York

  i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.

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  (845): i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now. http://tfl.nu/ygdu
  Replies (12) Good night (985) Bad night (3305)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.

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  (334): You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool. http://tfl.nu/6ccl
  Replies (7) Good night (1068) Bad night (3440)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night

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  (206): buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night http://tfl.nu/bj1f
  Replies (7) Good night (2933) Bad night (704)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Maybe I should forgo underwear.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  This is a family BBQ no?

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  (214): Maybe I should forgo underwear. (314): This is a family BBQ no? http://tfl.nu/2i6y
  Replies (4) Good night (2189) Bad night (1152)
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  (779): View more from Illinois

  We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..

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  (779): We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time.. http://tfl.nu/hdfa
  Replies (2) Good night (2150) Bad night (838)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.

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  (519): She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot. http://tfl.nu/3yos
  Replies (18) Good night (1798) Bad night (567)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...

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  (503): Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat... http://tfl.nu/b2lc
  Replies (2) Good night (407) Bad night (1051)
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  (805): View more from California

  Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.

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  (805): Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB. http://tfl.nu/41ax
  Replies (5) Good night (575) Bad night (290)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.

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  (702): Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE. http://tfl.nu/l3z1
  Replies (8) Good night (1063) Bad night (367)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN

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  (406): I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN http://tfl.nu/6se9
  Replies (1) Good night (195) Bad night (521)
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  (276): View more from Virginia

  LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.

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  (276): LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything. http://tfl.nu/o8kx
  Replies (1) Good night (302) Bad night (126)

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