Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse