he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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