The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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