Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
