Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You need a sexual gate keeper
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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