I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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