oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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