I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
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4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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