just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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