Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
