my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
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Do I have a choice?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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