people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
