I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
