I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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