My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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