Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
