You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
this is an emotional support booty call
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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