Swine flu. Run for my life!
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
