he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You can't just leave with hair like that
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
