the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
