Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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