She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
