She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize