its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
