the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
