I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
