when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
