Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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