I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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