I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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